The city that moves to the beat of a different drum

A fruit seller takes a break from the heat

You want hot? You got it, and then some. This is South America with a Caribbean twist. It's palm trees, steamy humidity and sea breezes. It's tropical fruit, pulsating African beats, cobbled streets, and rainbow-coloured colonial houses. It's Cartagena de Indias in northern Columbia - two hours by plane from Lima, but a world away from South America as we know it.

One of two forts built to protect Cartagena from pirates

Cartagena was once a major northern gateway to South America. The first slave ship arrived here in 1564, with thousands of slaves destined for all parts of the continent, and the city never looked back. It flourished a key trading port for the Spanish - everything from gold to slaves came through here at some point - and a major storehouse for treasures plundered from the Indians and bound for European shores. This, of course, made it quite an attractive target for pirates and buccaneers.

Forty feet high and fifty foot thick walls were built to keep the pirates out, but the lure of such a booty was hard to resist. During the 16th century, the city was attacked at least five times by seafaring pirates. In desperation, a couple of forts were added to the entrance to the bay, linked by a large chain which was pulled high to stop unfriendly boats that sailed into port in search of gold, and this seemed to do the trick. With 2500 poorly trained men, Don Blas managed to fend off 25,000 English soldiers and their 186 ships, and Sir Francis Drake was finally sent packing.

Cafe del Mar - the perfect place to relax on a warm night in Cartagena

These days the city is still under siege, but by tourists not pirates. The city walls still enclose the old town and, inside, chilled bars and cafes hide along the cobble streets. The boat ride to the forts takes you past small islands with rundown beach towns, where people dive into the water fully clothed to cool off and five-year-old kids swim effortlessly in the sea, like they've been doing it since the day that they were born. Our guide, Fernando, unsubtly leaves us stranded on the beach in the small beach town of Bocachica, where we're instantly surrounded by necklace-sellers flogging their wares. There's no work on the island, and no fresh water or agriculture, so Carl's brother Nick (who has come to visit us for a few days) takes his first hit for the team and makes a couple of purchases. We translate, sit back with a cold drink and wonder how life got to be this tough.

Carl and Nick enjoy a cold drink on the beach after a tour of the forts

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Big cities are bad

We've come to an important realisation: big cities are bad for our health and bad for our budget. Four days in Lima have been a disastrous concoction of booze, bad food and very little sleep. Today we've consumed a record amount of crap hangover food: Burger King, Pizza Hut and Dunkin' Donuts (seriously how disgusting is that?). In our defence though, we:

1. were celebrating Waz's 31st birthday. We even visited Hooters - "I've never been to one before," Waz begged. Yeah right.
2. have not seen an American fast food joint since Buenos Aires. Absence apparently does make the heart grow fonder. Unfortunately, it doesn't make the food they churn out taste any better.
   
3. cooked a meal for ourselves last night and the night before. It may have been too little too late, but we've got to hope that reversed at least some of the damage we've been doing to ourselves over the past four days.
   
4. managed to squeeze in a touristy site: a visit to Pachacamac, the ruins of the ancient Wari civilisation covered in sand until the 1940s.
5. HAD LOADS OF FUN!
   

Next stop: Columbia!

Conquering Huaytapallana: back at altitude for a glacial hike and Waz's 31st birthday

Waz looks tough on the outside, but Waz hurting on the inside

We nearly killed Waz on his 31st birthday. Well, not us per say, but the altitude and the hike we went on nearly killed him. It was only a five hour hike to the giant glacier of Huaytapallana in the central highlands of Peru, but I think it felt worse because we hadn't been at altitude for a couple of weeks. And because our guide Willy made it look easy. He strode on ahead, while we inched forward, dizzy and gasping for breath.

We're not even sure how we ended up in the central highlands. We'd vowed to avoid altitude after Cusco - it's too damn cold and too hard to breath with your head in the clouds - and yet here we are, going on glacial hikes that take us to 5000m and nearly killing Wazza.

The Huaytapallana glacier

Lucky the view made up for the pain. The glacier is a third of the size it once was, but it's still enormous. And spectacular. And ours to enjoy. There was not another soul in sight and when we reached it, it snowed.

Along the way, Willy stopped to tell us about the plants - "this one is called the 'Mother-in-Law' because when you sit on it, it hurts" - and the terrorists that once haunted the valley and the villages in it.

Willy tells us that the people here suffered a lot at the hands of the notorious Sendero Luminoso (Shining Path) and the El Movimiento Revolucionario Túpac Amaru (MRTA) guerrillas.

"There used to be a dairy farm up here called Hacienda Acopalca owned by a Swiss man, which employed a lot of the local villagers" he tells us. "It was destroyed by the guerrillas, leaving the people with no way to make money. Finally, now that it is safe, a French woman has come to teach the children and adults new skills."

Willy remembers the nights when the Shining Path would knock out all of the electricity in the villages and light up the countryside with fire, their logo burning bright for miles. "We used to go out and watch," he said. "You could see the fire clearly from my house near Huancayo. It was a warning."

The Shining Path leader, Guzman, was caught in this valley in 1992. He was caught by the Police, walking into the village of Villacoto dressed as a woman. His capture spelt the end for the Shining Path.

If you ask Willy, getting rid of the terrorists is the one good thing Peru's ex-President Fujimori did for the country. In 2000, Fujimori fled Peru amid accusations of human rights abuses and corruption. In 2007, he was sentenced to six years imprisonment for various offences and is serving his time in a Peruvian prison.

Willy calls Peru "one of the seven wonders of the world" - not because of its spectacular natural scenery or Inca history, but for its politics. "Did you know that our current President, Alan Garcia, once robbed Peru of millions?" he laughs. "But we have a law for politicians which says that if you stay out of the country for 10 years, the slate is wiped clean. You can come back and you're free to stand for President again."

Despite all this, Willy is passionate about Peru and Huancayo, his home town here in the highlands, in particular. The area has a rich farming history. Willy tells us that the area is known as the "refridgerator for Lima". It supplies Lima with the majority of its fresh produce, - everything from bananas and corn to artichokes and more than 90 types of potatoes.

It's also the place to party. "We have more parties than days of the year," Willy says proudly. Each farmer holds a party each year to mark their stock. In most parts of Peru, these parties last a couple of weeks. In the central Highlands, the parties go on for three months. "We love to drink too - we have 12 types of beer and we also have liquor," Willy says before listing them.


Waz gets a twinkle in his eyes, but it's not meant to be. Drinking with locals at this altitude would surely spell the end for us all. So, after enjoying a late lunch of fresh trout, served by a tiny Quechuan woman, we say goodbye to Willy and board our overnight bus. Our birthday fiesta for Warwick will have to wait until tomorrow when we reach Peru's capital, Lima.

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Time to shake off the sand and hit the road

We don't want to leave, but we've nothing left to conquer here. No more adventures to be had in the dunes. Yesterday afternoon we climbed to the top of one of them with a couple of beers to watch the sunset. Damn dunes are higher than you think. It took 20-minutes of calf-crunching climbing to get to the top to watch the sunset. And less than a minute for the boys to race down in it in a final test of their testosterone levels. Now its time to leave this desert oasis. Next stop: we haven't decided yet!

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Yeeeeeeeehhaaaaaaaa!

Our beast of a dune buggy - the only way to travel in Huacachina

Forget camels. The only way to take on a sand dune is in a big green beast of a dune buggy. These big boys don't just drive, they roar, powered not by fuel but by testosterone. It's like a rollercoaster, but better. Your stomach lurches as you drop over a ridge and fall down a giant sand dune. Your head spins when the buggy defies gravity on the side of a dune. Want more? Grab a sandboard and hurtle down the nearest dune on your stomach. Eat sand. Strap it to your feet and tumble down in a heap. Eat more sand. It's one of the best adrenaline rushes we've had in a while.

Click play to watch Carl eat sand

We're in Huacachina, a tiny little oasis town not far from the Peruvian coast. There's not much here: four streets surrounding a slightly smelly lagoon, palm trees, hotels and a hell of a lot of sand. We're surrounded by hulking sand dunes on every side. They loom over our hotel, like they're just itching to swallow us up.

Testing your testosterone levels on the sand dunes is the main activity here. After that, the only thing left to do is sit by the pool with a cold beer ... and plan your next crazy adventure in the sand.

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Uncovering the secrets of the Nasca

The hummingbird, the largest Nazca figure

"Now amigos, look to the left, look to the left, look to the left. You see? You see? You see?" said our pilot, Angel (no joke, that is his name).

It was hard not to see. Our plane was almost vertical, circling over the famous Nazca pampas. We had nowhere else to look but down from this angle. Angel was pointing down to the hummingbird figurine below and looking at us expectantly.

A viewing platform far below

"Si, si, si, we see it Angel," we said. Now turn around, put both hands back on the steering wheel, and watch where we're flying. And while you're at it, make us a little less vertical.

We'd been in the air for about 30 minutes. The hummingbird was the 8th Nazca figure we'd seen carefully drawn in the ground below, and like most people we're baffled about their origins.

Some people believe the lines are ancient running tracks or UFO runways. But a more believable theory is that the area was once a river, which supplied the ancient Nazca civilisation with the water they needed to survive. When a 40-year drought left the area dry and starved, the Nazca people, it's believed, turned to shamanism to communicate with the gods of the mountains and the rain. After all, some of the figures are important shamanic symbols, intrinsically woven into Peruvian history.

True or not? I guess we'll never know.

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The hidden nuns of Monasterio de Santa Catalina

The Monasterio de Santa Catalina was founded in 1579. In those days, if you were the second daughter in your family, you were expected to dedicate your life to god. If you got lucky and your family had some cash, this is the monastery you'd pick.

Here, you could enjoy all the trappings of a normal life - parties, visitors, arts, nice furnishings. But then one day a miserable man (I think he was a bishop?) rode into town and spoiled everyone's fun. Eventually, the nuns were forced to retreat into the monastery, into a life of silence. They traded through wooden grates, hidden from the outside world. They constructed private cells where they could lead isolated lives, protected by high walls.

Then, in 1970, things changed again. Recognising the monastery´s value, the Government demanded that some sections open to tourism. Now, you can wander the small alleys, marvel at the mix of colonial and native architecture, and indulge in a glutenous dessert in the monastery´s cafe. And, if you're lucky like we were, you might just catch a glimpse of one of the 30 nuns who remain hidden in a small section of the monastery, while the modern world buzzes around them.

One of the nuns does some washing on the roof

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Such laziness ...

Canon del Colca

We talked about hiking to the bottom of Canon del Colca, one of the largest canyons in the world (100m long and up to 3000m deep), but in our heart of hearts we all knew it wasn't going to happen. Still, we jumped on a bus and rode the six hours to Cabanaconde, a small town at the furthest end of the canyon. It was late when we arrived, so we ate some alpaca, helped a local boy with his English, and went to bed telling ourselves that we'd see how we felt in the morning.

Morning came. We got back on the bus, stopped briefly at a lookout to watch condors fly over the canyon, got back on a bus and headed back to Arequipa.

Twelve hours on a bus to watch condors for 10 minutes. Go figure.

A condor soars above us in Canon del Coca

Inca mummies in Arequipa

Sarita was found sitting cross-legged in the sun, just north of here on Sara Sara mountain. She's more than 500 years old and one of eight of handful of children found in this region, frozen in ice, all of them sacrificial offerings to ancient gods.

Sarita is a little different from the other children. She's a little older, probably in her late teens. She sits cross-legged, the others lie in a foetal position. She's in the worst shape, exposed to the sun for much longer than the others before she was found. Despite this, her hair long dark hair is shiny, her fingernails and teeth are in tact, and skin still covers most of her body.

Sarita is not normally the main attraction at Museo Santuarios Andinos in Arequipa. She shares the spotlight with Juanita, a teenage girl hidden by the Ampato Volcano for more than 500 years. Juanita has been better preserved than Sarita. Her mummified body was discovered in 1995, when an eruption from a nearby volcano melted Ampato's ice cap, allowing expeditions into its crater for the first time.

Both girls have large cracks in their skulls, caused by a blunt object just moments before their bodies were wrapped in blankets and left on the mountain. It's widely believed that they would have climbed the mountain, aware of their fate, clad in ceremonial dress and woven flip flops which offered little protection against the cold and snow. Small figurines, pots and momentos were found with each girl. Like Sarita and Juanita, these have been carefully preserved and help us understand their story, their culture, and the reasons why they gave their lives willingly to the mountains.

The sacred valley of the Incas

Waz and Carl and the slowest cab driver ever

We're nothing if not ambitious. Before setting out on the Inca trail, we'd hatched a plan to cycle around the Sacred Valley. We'd even gone so far as to source bikes and plot a route. But things change, right?

After two days partying in Cusco with our Inca trail buddies, we were in no state to bike anywhere so we booked a cab, dragged ourselves out of bed before noon and set off in search of the Inca secrets hidden outside Cusco.

Stop one: Pisac
The site of an Inca fortress, set high above a small bustling market village and surrounded by curved terraces, almost entirely unbroken by steps. Across the gorge at the back of the site, the cliffs are pockmarked with holes left by grave robbers looking for treasures in ancient Inca tombs.

Pisac

Stop two: Ollantaytambo
Another large Inca fortress protects the town of Ollantaytambo, one of the best surviving examples of Inca city planning. This is where Manco Inca fled after his defeat at Saqsaywaman and where he successfully fought off Hernando Pizarro before retreating further into the jungle to Vilcabamba.

Stop three: Moray
Some suggest Moray was a giant petri dish which allowed the Incas to determine the best climate for growing different crops. It consists of three large round terraced amphitheatres, each one producing various micro climates.

Waz in the largest amphitheatre

Now, we´re on an overnight bus again, heading to Arequipa. We´ve said goodbye to Dave for the last time, but we´ve still got Waz. He´s revelling in his first ´full cama´ experience - fully reclining chairs, dinner and movies, he´s like a kid in a candy store. Wait till he feels the pleasure of flying out of your seat while the driver speeds like a madman around mountains in the dead of night.