A chinese shakedown (from Ping'an to Fenghuang by bus)

Four days ago, we suffered a little brain blip. At the time, we didn’t realise it was a brain blip. In fact, we thought it was a cracking idea – ditch the train and get a feel for rural China by taking the slower bus route north to Fenghuang.

Now, sitting in front of an open fire in our guesthouse, we know it was a brain blip … or a Chinese shakedown. Here’s how it went.

Take two stupid Aussies. Dump them in a rural bus station with no timetable and no map. Point them in the direction of a bus, any bus, and tell them it will take them where they want to go … even if it doesn’t. They can’t understand anyway because they haven’t bothered to learn the local language or have stopped trying because whenever they do they get laughed at.

Sit them up the front near the door, where there is plenty of room for their giant packs. Wait until they are comfortable then surround them with more bags, boxes, buckets of petrol, sacks of chickens and ducks, and a bunch of local villagers who’ll hock and spit for hours. Drive only on dirt roads – the bumpiest ones you can find - and drive fast. Overtake only around blind corners and overtake fast, particularly when driving over high mountain passes. Add 20 cases of beer, enough dust to make their eyes water, some chain smokers, and squeeze some children onto their seats. Make sure they’re sitting near someone with chronic travel sickness who will puke their guts up for the entire journey. Never stop for a toilet break. Almost drive them off a cliff. And don’t forget to try to run over some cyclists.

Repeat every five hours until they reach wherever the hell they are trying to go or get back on a train.

If they survive, reward them with a cosy guesthouse on the Tuo River, where they’ll meet some nice people who will be so impressed that they have travelled for five weeks in China without speaking Mandarin that they’ll treat them to some tasty Chinese takeaway, potent rice wine and a warm fire.

After finding ourselves stranded in Sanjiang on the first night, we stumbled across Chengyang, one of many beautiful wooden Dong villages in the area. This bridge was built by the Dong villlagers in 1912.

Finally we reach Fenghuang. This riverside town is under constant siege by Chinese tourists but its wooden houses and cobbled streets still have an irresistable charm.

More photos of Chengyang and Fenghuang